2015! What a year! (I feel like I say that every year...) It's been quite the ride, but by the grace of God, I was able to accomplish and meet so many milestones. At the beginning of the year, I wrote that I would begin this year with an open heart and would let God lead. Soon after, I had a period of whining and questioning God about where He was taking me. Everything just seemed so, for lack of a better word, dry. But over the next couple of months, things began to turn around. I joined a church in Dayton, where I gained a group of sisters, friends and a church mom, who have taught me what sisterhood in Christ is all about and have really held me down in Dayton. I moved into my OWN apartment; what an amazing experience! Grad school is flying by, which is a good and bad thing. I started practicum, working with actual clients. It was nerve-wrecking at first, but I've really come to enjoy it and I'm so humbled and honored to be able to sit with adolescents and hear their stories. I've learned so much about myself, the good and the bad. I was able to go to Jamaica, which was AMAZING, and so much more. All in all, I've found myself really content with the season God has me in. Here are a few of the lessons I've learned this year:
- It's okay to be selfish: (Gasp) Yep, I said it. Selfish is not a dirty word. Being the oldest child, I learned to take leadership very quickly. I tried to be and do everything. I held others' wellbeing wayyyy, wayyy, wayyy, before my own, allowing myself to be uncomfortable so that others could be comfortable. And that's just not okay. Don't get me wrong, I have not become any less compassionate, but I've really learned to do my best and leave the rest to God. To rest in God. To have a balance. Listen to my body. To enjoy my own company. To be self-reflective. My Friday nights are sacred and mostly spent alone. I've cancelled meetings and decided not to go to previously planned outings (with proper communication). I can't be superwoman 7 days a week. Hey, I'm young and unattached, now is the time to allow myself to put myself first.
- School just isn't serious enough that I lose out on making life memories: Yep, I said that too. My motto is: "I'm not going to kill myself trying to get a doctorate." Again, don't get me wrong, grad school can be super tedious and overwhelming at times, but like every other area of my life, I'm learning to balance. Some days, I'm just too tired to read for class and that is ok. I was offered a trip of a lifetime and I almost turned it down because of school. But instead, I packed my books and took them on the trip and had an amazing trip AND I still did well in my classes. I, personally, would hate to look back on my grad school years, with regret or frustration at the missed memories. Of course, I can't/won't do it all, but I'm pretty happy with the memories I'm making.
- It's okay to step out in faith: I am NOT a risk taker. I don't like uncertainty. I don't like not knowing. I'm a planner. But of course, that's where faith comes in. Most times, you won't know the next four or five steps, but trust that if God is holding your hand, you won't go astray. And if you do go astray, it's okay! There is a lesson to be learned. I constantly think of what could go wrong, but I'm learning to enjoy the here and now. And in those moments I've learned so much about others and so much more about myself.
I'm so grateful for 2015 and I'm looking with anticipation at 2016. Here we go!
Selah [pause and think]
