Here's to 2018

Usually, I share a blogpost on Dec 31 where I reflect on the past year and what I’ve learned. Unfortunately, with the whirlwind called interview season, I have barely had time to catch my breath. Furthermore, this year, I want to do something different and look forward into the next year and create a list of things that I want to do over the course of this next year. 

2017 was quite the year, a cliche that I say every year. However, 2017 was pretty important in my growth as a woman. I turned 25, dyed my hair, got contacts (FINALLY), passed my clinical comprehensive exam and began the nerve-wrecking experience of applying for internship, which signals the ending of my academic career. But the year wasn’t without it’s challenges and I’m grateful for my amazing support system who were present during the beautiful highs and the very real lows, which included health problems, both mine and members of my family, the resignation of my dissertation chair and general school stress. I was forced to make a lot of “big girl decisions,” as I love to call them. Especially for my mental health. I had to let many things go for the sake of my peace. But I’m grateful for God’s grace, which was sooooo soooo present during 2017. I had chosen the word, “confidence” as my word of 2017 and I can now see how all that happened over the course of 2017 helped increase my confidence, in God and in myself. 

So now it’s 2018 there are things I want to do, much of which are informed by the growth i experienced in 2017.

In 2018, I will:

1. Stay hydrated
2. Have consistent devotions and prayer times
3. Be more intentional about my relationships with family and friends
4. Guard my little heart
5. Keep my physical and mental health a priority
6. Be more consistent in healthy eating and exercise
7. Become better with my finances
8. Get involved in my local community
9. Get back to reading for leisure and personal learning
10. Vacation alone
11. Trust in God and rest in His grace
12. Seek advice from my elders
13. Develop professionally
14. Guard my peace with a passion
15. Reclaim my time
16. Engage in daily self-care
17. Journal regularly
18. Start a consistent skincare routine
19. Grow in confidence
20. Explicitly express my thoughts and feelings
21. Know my limits and stick to my boundaries
22. Be more political
23. Speak up, Stand Up
24. Encourage those around me
25. Trust my gut
26. SLAY

I’m excited and nervous about 2018, especially with many potential changes in the horizon. Of course this list will change, but I’m ready for the adventure. Here we goooo! 

Selah [pause and think]

2016 Recap: Remodeling

2016 was a transformative year for me, a remodeling of sorts.  I began the year saying that I was gonna be intentional about everything. Little did I know what that would mean. I literally began this year with a brother who was really sick and the end of situationship that I was convinced would IT. My car was a hot mess and my credit nonexistent. And school was just  ALOT. BUT GOD

Oh 2016, the lessons you've taught me. I thank God for loss... Loss that produced growth. Growth in wisdom, in faith, in self-love. Growing into myself.  I’m constantly in awe of the woman God is forming. I could sit here and spout off the amazing things God did and the lessons that He taught me, but I’m way too lazy so I’ll just write out a list of what I learned/ am learning and was reminded of in 2016. This is not an exhaustive list as I’m sure I’m leaving out some of 2016’s nuggets.

                                                                                                                                                

Things I learned/was reminded of in 2016:

1.   God has some amazing love for me. I may not understand why He does what he does, but He knows…

2.   Not every good thing is a GOD thing. Let it go.

3.    Love is indeed a choice.

4.     I’m not always ready for what I think I’m ready for

5.     I have an AMAZING support system. My family and friends are SOOO awesome, what a reflection of God’s Love…

6.  The people closest to me are all the same: REAL and ready to let you know about yourself (in love). They’re also off the chain and I absolutely love it

7.   My portion is perfect. I’m in the place God has called me to be. I’m living out this part of my purpose. What God has for me is for ME

8.   Don’t pray and worry

9.  God’s ways aren’t mine, neither is His timing. His timing is indeed perfect.

10. God is always making a WAY. My God can move mountains.

11. Sometimes God doesn’t fix situations, He fixes my heart and my response. So the question isn’t ‘why?’ but ‘for what?’

12.  God doesn’t owe me anything.

13.   Leaning on God vs. Resting in God. There’s a difference. His Strength is made perfect in my weakness.

14.   SELF-LOVE and SELF-CARE #MajorKeys

15.   I’m an amazing woman with much to offer. Sometimes I’m not confident with what I know/have.

16.   It is an honor to be a therapist. There is an unexplainable feeling that I get from sitting in a therapy room with someone as they are vulnerable with me. I’m honored that this is what God has called me to do. May I continue to use this for His Glory.

17.   There is a time for everything and everyone. I cannot continue to pour into others and become empty. I must be replenished. Whether that is spiritually, emotionally, mentally or physically.

18.   Not everyone deserves my energy.

19.   Being assertive does not make me mean.

20.   As Christians, we really don’t know how to let others grief. Just being there is enough.

21.   Problems with race apply to the church too and many Christians don’t want to talk about it. There is much work to be done.

22.   Likewise, Christians struggle with mental health and we don’t wanna talk about that either. There is much work to be done here too.

23.   Some things that seem like Christian principles are simply not Biblical.

24.   I don’t need to look “saved enough.” Jesus and I have a thing and I don’t have to prove that to anyone.  

25.   We gon’ be alright! It all works out for good.

26.   Prepare for tomorrow today.

27.   He Who started the good work will complete it.

28.   God’s plans for my life are bigger than me and when you’re focused on purpose, ain’t much time for much else.

29.   Purpose compatibility. Ain’t no compromising. My future hubby and I are gonna do some amazing things.

30.   #BlackGirlMagic

31.   Jeggings are the business.

32.   All my sass is due to my mother. Being shady is my love language.

33.   Not everyone is happy with your success. Keep doing what you’re doing.

34.   Grad school is literally my “wilderness:” a place of growth. And God is molding someone amazing in this wilderness

35.   I say ‘sorry’ a lot for things that are not my fault. So now I’m learning to be aware it and changing it.

36.   Some people are doing the best that they can with what they have.

37.   That dish washer thing really comes in handy.

38.   I use way too many commas.

39.   Weight loss is possible; maintenance is the major key.

40.   Having a side hustle/ hobby is pretty dope.

I'm looking forward to 2017; I have a really good feeling about it. Not sure what God's gonna do, but I'm ready.

Selah [Pause and Think]

Bought my first car. Only God!

2015 Recap: New Beginnings

Well, hello blog world! It's been a while. I, unfortunately, have neglected this blog, but I am keeping current updates about life and grad school on  tumblr: thegradualprocess.tumblr.com.


2015! What a year! (I feel like I say that every year...) It's been quite the ride, but by the grace of God, I was able to accomplish and meet so many milestones. At the beginning of the year, I wrote that I would begin this year with an open heart and would let God lead. Soon after, I had a period of whining and questioning God about where He was taking me. Everything just seemed so, for lack of a better word, dry. But over the next couple of months, things began to turn around. I joined a church in Dayton, where I gained a group of sisters, friends and a church mom, who have taught me what sisterhood in Christ is all about and have really held me down in Dayton. I moved into my OWN apartment; what an amazing experience! Grad school is flying by, which is a good and bad thing. I started practicum, working with actual clients. It was nerve-wrecking at first, but I've really come to enjoy it and I'm so humbled and honored to be able to sit with adolescents and hear their stories. I've learned so much about myself, the good and the bad. I was able to go to Jamaica, which was AMAZING, and so much more. All in all, I've found myself really content with the season God has me in. Here are a few of the lessons I've learned this year:

1. It's okay to be selfish: (Gasp) Yep, I said it. Selfish is not a dirty word. Being the oldest child, I learned to take leadership very quickly. I tried to be and do everything. I held others' wellbeing wayyyy, wayyy, wayyy, before my own, allowing myself to be uncomfortable so that others could be comfortable. And that's just not okay. Don't get me wrong, I have not become any less compassionate, but I've really learned to do my best and leave the rest to God. To rest in God. To have a balance. Listen to my body. To enjoy my own company. To be self-reflective. My Friday nights are sacred and mostly spent alone. I've cancelled meetings and decided not to go to previously planned outings (with proper communication). I can't be superwoman 7 days a week. Hey, I'm young and unattached, now is the time to allow myself to put myself first. 
2. School just isn't serious enough that I lose out on making life memories: Yep, I said that too. My motto is: "I'm not going to kill myself trying to get a doctorate." Again, don't get me wrong, grad school can be super tedious and overwhelming at times, but like every other area of my life, I'm learning to balance. Some days, I'm just too tired to read for class and that is ok. I was offered a trip of a lifetime and I almost turned it down because of school. But instead, I packed my books and took them on the trip and had an amazing trip AND I still did well in my classes. I, personally, would hate to look back on my grad school years, with regret or frustration at the missed memories. Of course, I can't/won't do it all, but I'm pretty happy with the memories I'm making.
3. It's okay to step out in faith: I am NOT a risk taker. I don't like uncertainty. I don't like not knowing. I'm a planner. But of course, that's where faith comes in. Most times, you won't know the next four or five steps, but trust that if God is holding your hand, you won't go astray. And if you do go astray, it's okay! There is a lesson to be learned. I constantly think of what could go wrong, but I'm learning to enjoy the here and now. And in those moments I've learned so much about others and so much more about myself.

I'm so grateful for 2015 and I'm looking with anticipation at 2016. Here we go!

Selah [pause and think]

The Expectant Heart

At the beginning of the year, I wrote that I would begin this year with an open heart and would let God lead. Soon after, I had a period of whining and questioning God about where He was taking me. Everything just seemed so, for lack of a better word, dry. And I was far away from my support system. Right now, I'm feeling expectant. Over the past couple of months, I've realized that God is preparing me for something. I'm not sure what He's doing, but I'm ready... At least I think I am. I just know that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. May I not forget Him on this journey...


Selah [pause and think]

2014 Recap: Promise Keeper

Where do I begin about 2014? I can't even begin to write about the blessings, the favor, the opportunities, the doubt, sadness and fear that I have experienced this year. Because all in all, God has been ever so faithful.


The biggest lesson I learned this year is: God keeps His promises. It's so easy to doubt God when the evidence is negative, but that's exactly when God works best. I knew that He had called me to be a psychologist, but because of my brief stint as a biology major, my GPA was a mess. This time last year, I was completing grad school applications, terrified that I was not going to get an interview anywhere, talk less of get into a Clinical Psychology program. As I type this, I've completed my first semester of a doctorate program, a program that I was told I was not competitive enough for. To top it all off, I aced my first semester. I'd be lying if I said that I got here on my own. It was only by the grace of God. Once I got into grad school, everything else just literally fell into place. Sometimes, I sit and wonder what I did to get into this program. I'm so blessed to be there. Just continue to follow the path that God has provided for you. You never know where He will lead.


Honestly, 2014 was THAT year. God opened soooo many doors and pushed me wayyyy out of my comfort zone. From graduation, to moving to another state, to starting grad school, it's been quite the adventure. I haven't always been the happiest camper, but God has given me this incredible peace that even scares me sometimes. Having to move away from the only place I had ever known as home was so hard, but I know that God has a reason and nothing happens by mistake.


Not sure what plans God has for 2015, but I'm entering the year with an open heart and letting Him lead.


What are you hoping and praying for this year?




Selah [pause and think]

Not Many, Just ONE

Soooo, I'm in Grad School. That alone is a testimony in itself. I can't even thank God enough! For more on that journey, check out thegradualprocess.tumblr.com




ANYWAYS... Going to a grad school out of state seems to be one of the motivating factors for why so many people have encouraged me to get on online dating sites. Before now, I never thought of online dating of anything other than a LAST resort. Of course, I will never knock anyone for being on dating websites; to each his own. As for me... Maybe I'm being traditional, old-fashioned or picky. But I cannot let go of the belief that God has some amazing man in store for me and all I have to do is continue to walk in the path that God has for me.


I'm reminded of a word God gave to me this summer:


I was going to be a camp counselor for the second half of the summer and company regulations required camp counselors to wear a one piece dark, solid colored bathing suit. Of course, my bathing suit was orange and yellow with flowers, so I set out to find a bathing suit. Mind you, this was
mid-summer and the pickings were slim. I went from store to store with no luck. Finally, I entered a store that had only a few bathing suits left. I remember feeling like there was no way that I was going to find a bathing suit that fit me of the 10 left hanging. But, what do you know? I found one! And it was perfect. Everything that I needed.


God really spoke to my heart at that time. It was something to the effect of, "You don't need many options to pick from. You just need the right one and when you find that one, there will be no question in your mind. He will be everything you need."


So, I'm ok with not having too many options. God knows best. This is HIS project.


What project do you need to place in God's Hands?


Selah [pause and think]

Looking Back

Through Timehop, an app that shows every post on social media you're ever made on that exact day in the past 7 years, I'm currently reliving the most emotional, life-changing time of my life. It's so amazing to see where I was 4 years ago and how much I've grown, changed, and learned mentally, emotionally and spiritually. So many memories, so many mistakes, so many victories. There were times when I lost my way, but God was still faithful and He was always there. If you told me 4 years ago that I would graduate with a degree in Psychology and be going to grad school, I probably wouldn't have believed you; my mind was set on being a pediatrician. I remember crying after a Chemistry test, wondering why the knowledge I thought I had wasn't reflecting on the exam. Though I'm "reliving" this major experience, I can't help but admire God's handiwork. It's amazing to know how God has orchestrated every step to lead me to this very moment. He works everything together for our good.

I know the story isn't over yet, but I've long since decided to let Him write it.

Selah [pause and think]